5959 in a microwave
Gareth imagines a forest of burning coffee bushes,

Not always a mindful person, me. This afternoon, I accidentally set the microwave to heat my coffee for 59:59. I guess I just entered the same 59 seconds twice.

Well, I forgot about the coffee in the microwave as I was writing something - I do that a lot. So, I smell a funny smell, like the odor given off by a vacuum cleaner when it snags on something and the rubber belt starts to smoke. I think, did I leave the humidifier on too long? I go into the kitchen, and find a very hot mug in the microwave, with almost nothing in it at all but a very dark, very thick, bubbly brown sludge in the bottom.

When I added cold water to it, it looked like normal coffee.

No, I did not drink it.

Finding more reasonable grounds,

Gareth
- posted by Gareth @ 5:20 PM

 
The Age of Ick
As Gareth takes his temperature,

I hear that there are cases of staph infections raging across the country, unchecked. Healthy young adults are dying from little scratches they get in the garden, from rose thorns.

There's an immunity in our culture now, too. After so much bad news since the start of this millenium, people now are shrugging off news of massacres and torture and corruption and lies. Instead, we're trying to provoke ourselves into feeling anything by exposing ourselves to the grody element of Fear Factor. Oh, yes, and gay people. They outrage us because they make heterosexuals just feel icky. Oh, the moral outrage of icky!

We have left the Age of Outrage. We have entered the Age of Icky Indignation.

Drop the bombs if you must, but don't let a slug touch my romaine lettuce! We have standards to maintain, you know!

Listlessly allowing the autumn leaves to fall upon his body,
Gareth
- posted by Gareth @ 10:20 AM

 
The Curse of the Irregular Bambino
Gareth scans the horizon and sees a foul ball headed his way...

I listened to the news of the Boston Red Sox winning the World Series and breaking their supposed curse with a sniff and scoff this week.

Why, do you know how long it has been since I have won the World Series? I never have. Now that's a curse! Furthermore, just down the road from me, the Galveston Tigers baseball team has also never won the World Series. They're cursed too! And, my gosh, can you guess how many times the Rochester Red Wings baseball team has won the World Series? Never! Cursed, cursed cursed!

Down the street from me, a recent immigrant from Hungary admitted last week that she has not eaten a single piece of pizza since she was 5 years old. Upon learning this, I called an emergency meeting of my neighbors, and we all agreed that she is cursed. We lifted the curse on Thursday by taking her to Joe's Pizza Shack and giving her a slice of pepperoni, which she ate. We invited the local news media to report on this major event, and were surprised that none of them showed up. In fact, it's been years since the local media covered anyone breaking the curse of not eating pizza. They must be cursed too.

Faithfully hoping that the curse of not getting any free publicity for an entire month will be lifted,
Gareth
- posted by Gareth @ 9:22 AM

 
Blood on the Moon and other omens
Gareth gazes at the sky and finds omens...

I'm not normally one to even think about omens, but:

Tonight, the night of the first frost, just a few nights before Halloween, was a total eclipse of the moon. Blood on the moon, the ancients called it, with some holy books identifying it as sign of the end of the world. I went outside to look at the red moon, and shooting stars flashed past it. Then, a pack of coyotes at the bottom of the hill started howling, louder than I've ever heard them howl here.

If I were one of ancients, I'd say that the signs are not good.

Rushing to the kitchen to read the tea leaves,

Gareth
- posted by Gareth @ 10:43 PM

 
West Virginia Turning, Turning
Gareth scans the horizon and finds a single undecided voter, changing color with the Autumn breeze...

I was down in West Virginia this summer, long enough to grow really fond of the steep hillsides, the misty glens, and the great people there. I also found there, to my surprise, a strong progressive movement getting back on its feet after being knocked down by local fundamentalists for an entire generation.

There's a good basic collection of links to West Virginia Progressive organizations over at Irregular News, and a little collection of progressive West Virginia bumper stickers over at Irregular Goods.

Now the news comes that West Virginia may be turning back into the Democratic column for this year's presidential election. I talked to a guy there in July, and he said that he didn't even think that the election would be close - he saw Bush being booted out the door in strength. In 6 days, we'll see how strongly West Virginia progressives have rebuilt their state's liberal foundations.

Listlessly allowing the autumn leaves to fall upon his body,
Gareth
- posted by Gareth @ 3:48 PM

 
Gareth puts on a good tweedy suit and writes,

Here at Irregularoo, we are plenty fond of informality. So, it may surprise you to find out that I like to keep up on the news about how real journalists are conducting their business. I like to know where the information I'm given has come from before I consume it, if you know what I mean.

Well, I don't like to write about the news much, but I was kind of surprised to learn that the editorial page of the Cleveland Plain Dealer (that's the newspaper in Cleveland - kind of sounds like a used car lot, doesn't it?) is not, in fact, run by the editorial staff. Color me naive, but I actually thought that the editors of the newspaper were actually in charge of editing the paper.

Well, the newspaper has shown its hand with all this presidential campaign extravaganza that's going on. The newspaper's editorial board decided overwhelmingly to endorse John Kerry. However, the Repubican owner of the newspaper, Alex Machaskee, decided that he wanted to help Bush win office. So, he ordered the editorial board of the newspaper to write an endorsement of George W. Bush instead. Ohio is a battleground state, you see.

So, if the Cleveland Plain Dealer's editorial staff can be ordered to write endorsements that they regard to be false, then what can't go on in this free-market free for all that has become America? When I go down to the deli and order a toasted bagel with butter spread on it, will the owner of the deli just go ahead and order his employees to give me cream cheese? When I go down to the local bookstore and take a guide to organic gardening off the shelves, will the store's owner insist that the clerks sell me the latest Ortho guide to using pesticides on my vegetables? When Martha Stewart gets out of prison, will Kmart start issuing orders to her about how she matches her colors for a fresh spring table setting?

Folks, I don't think that I'm the only person in America who's tired of being employed by the owner class down at the Chamber of Commerce. For once, I'd like to get what I ask for, without having management's politics shoved down my throat. My throat, after the last couple of years, is getting more than just a little bit sore.

Counting his money to see how many newspapers he can buy,
Gareth
- posted by Gareth @ 8:35 PM

 
Putting old sounds together anew
Gareth remembers the salad days of his phonics...

I have a son who is at the age where he is learning his letters and associating them with sounds. Any practice he can get is great, and I don't mind a little bit of public television for him every now and then.

I'm sad to discover that Sesame Street no longer helps kids with putting sounds together in the way that it once did. The Sesame Street set of skills is now limited to mere identification of letters and numbers, with their sounds said all alone.

Earlier in the morning, however, there is a great new show called Between the Lions, created, rumors say, by a group of people who broke away from Sesame Street when The Children's Television Workshop abandoned pre-reading skills and skewed to a younger, Elmo-loving audience.

Between the Lions does what the old Sesame Street show used to do - showing kids not just what sounds letters are supposed to make, but also showing how to put those sounds together to make real words. Real words are more exciting, because they're, you know, real.

It's the difference between learning the rules of French and going to Quebec City and trying your hand at it, and I thank the Between the Lions crew for the passport.

Practicing his alphabet,
Gareth
- posted by Gareth @ 2:22 PM

 
Choose Your Own Bush Misadventure
Gareth turns the page and sees his choice revealed.

This morning, we found an interesting project that's still in the initial phases of development. It harkens back to the old Choose Your Own Adventure books of the 1980s - only this one stars the current day character of George W. Bush.

Visit The Adventures of George W. Bush, and you can put yourself in the place of the Presidentator himself, deciding what you will do sitting in the most powerful office on the face of the Earth.

The story is half-completed, so that people like yourself can add new pages. I encourage you to visit, log on, and see what you can contribute.

Adding a new chapter to the awkwardly evolving story of the Bush Administration,

Gareth
- posted by Gareth @ 11:18 AM